


That's When It Happened

by UnintendedTrustfall



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s03e11 Alpha Pact, Episode: s06e09 Memory Found, F/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 23:51:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14272254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnintendedTrustfall/pseuds/UnintendedTrustfall
Summary: Just some insight into Lydia's personal revelation that she loved Stiles in 3x11





	That's When It Happened

Lydia held Stiles' arm as they slipped into the dark, empty locker room. She urged him forward, guiding him to sit down against a row of lockers so she wouldn't have to worry about him passing out and hitting his head. Luckily-- as far as that went, at least-- he stumbled over to the half wall caging and eased himself to the floor. She dropped to her knees in front of him, watching him struggle for breaths. It was heartbreaking and it was worse because for once she was in a situation where she had _no idea_ what to do.  
  
Her mind had zoomed into overdrive, digging through everything she'd learned or heard or read about stress and anxiety and panic attacks, trying to think of anything to help him because she couldn't just do nothing.  
  
While her mind sifted though, she was rambling,  
  
"Just think about something else! ... _Anything_ else!"  
  
He looked at her incredulously, still struggling between hitching, shallow breaths.  
  
"Like _what?!_ "  
  
' _Like what_ ' was right...  
  
"Uh.. Happy things!" She said, but even she knew it was an obvious if not useless suggestion at that, "Good things! Uh... friends! Family--!"  
  
He stared at her with that same incredulous, ' _are-you-fucking-kidding-me?_ ' look and she caught herself, and wincing at her own thoughtless words she said,  
  
"Oh, I mean--! Not family... oh god..."  
  
He was doubled over, clutching at his chest, breathing so quickly and so shallowly she was afraid he was actually going to suffocate.   
  
"Okay, uh... just... try and slow your breathing." She said softly, trying to regain her own false sense of calm to try and get him to the same place.   
  
But he shook his head, looking so pained and terrified. He choked out,  
  
"I...I _can't_..." he was hyperventilating too hard, he was going to pass out but right now he just looked so damn _scared_ , "I can't..."  
  
She reached out for him, desperate for him to be able to pull himself out of this. But she knew he couldn't do it alone right now.   
  
"Shhh, _shh_ \-- Stiles, look at me." She had his face in her hands, searching for his eyes. Get him to focus. She held his face with care, brushing her fingers across his cheeks, getting him to see her. And he did.  
  
And he saw her, but it wasn't enough. He was looking in her eyes but they kept darting away. His breathing wouldn't slow down.   
  
"Shhhhhh... _look at me_..." He looked into her eyes like he was trying to do what she wanted, " _Stiles_..."  
  
He wanted to look at her and be with her, not only for his sake but he looked like he wanted to for hers. But his quick, awful breaths wouldn't stop-- _stop_.  
  
He needed to stop hyperventilating. He needed to stop _breathing_.   
  
He needed to hold his breath.  
  
Her mind had a direction to move in now, and it did it quickly. She couldn't just _tell_ him to hold his breath. In this kind of state he wouldn't be able to. She'd have to help him somehow. Close his mouth and--  
  
He took in a quick breath and before he could quickly expel it, she pressed her lips to his, and his inhale got caught. His trembling body tensed up for a moment and then as she continued to clasp his lips against hers, he relaxed. Sinking into it. He closed his eyes, slowing down, taking in what was _happening_. And as she slowly pulled away, dragging her upper lip down his lower, he finally exhaled. But it was slower now, and deeper. This random trick she'd read in a pamphlet in the guidance office-- at least _part_ of it-- had actually worked and the abrupt stop in his hyperventilating had kicked his breathing into a normal rhythm.  
  
But for a moment she wasn't thinking about pamphlets or panic attacks or the guidance office. Right now she found herself staring back at someone entirely new. Someone she wanted to hold and be held by. Someone she had never really looked at this way before. And now... Stiles Stilinski was making her cheeks hot and her heart warm and her lips tremble with that feeling of ' _I want to do that again_ '.  
  
And he was staring back at her as he caught his breath, no longer looking terrified but just surprised. And his eyes were lit up with questions and relief and some mixed up look like hope. But he was smart. And so he said quietly, still tripping on his words a little,  
  
"H-How'd you do that?"  
  
Do what-- _oh yeah_. She'd done that for a reason. She'd _kissed him_ for a reason.  
  
"I, uh..." she whispered, finding her own breath now, "I... read once... that... holding your breath can stop a panic attack?" She said it like it was a question. Like she'd just kissed him to kiss him and this fact was just an aside. "So... when I kissed you... you held your breath."  
  
He blinked at her with such a grateful and _in love_ look in his eyes.  
  
"I did?"  
  
She smiled, her face getting hot and her lips wouldn't stop quivering, as she whispered,  
  
"Yeah... you did."  
  
And she was staring at this guy... this Stiles... who she felt something so strong for, suddenly. Only it wasn't suddenly. She'd gotten to know this _Stiles_ over the past two years or so and she'd learned that he was actually funny and smart and sweet and he _cared_ about her. And now it was all coming together and she stared at him and she saw what she had never seen in a guy before.  
  
Suddenly she remembered what Allison had said, back in sophomore year, back when she'd first learned about the supernatural, and Allison had asked her not to tell anyone about her and Scott seeing each other again. And she'd thought it was so important, and at the time-- up until now, maybe-- Lydia hadn't fully understood what she meant. And Allison had tried to explain to her:  
  
 _Remember what it feels like. All of those times in school when you see him standing down the hall and you... cannot breathe until you're with him. Or... Those times in class when you... you can't stop looking at the clock because you know he's standing right out there waiting for you-- Don't you remember what that's like?_  
  
And at the time, Lydia had listened and followed her words and it sounded like a goddamn storybook. It sounded like a fantasy. It sounded like something so unreal, but Allison had said it was such surety and passion that Lydia knew that she was telling the truth. And that she just hadn't met anyone like that.   
  
But suddenly she had.  
  
Her heart and her mind had melded into one for a moment as she flashed through all her recent memories, being friends with Scott and the pack. When she'd gotten to school and maybe Allison hadn't been there that day or she'd just shown up on her own and Stiles was always right there. Or when there was something the pack was trying to figure out and Stiles was with her, getting to the bottom of it, every step of the way. And she'd be thinking about it all through chem and when the bell would ring and she needed to talk about her ideas, Stiles would be running up with his own ideas he'd been ruminating over. And she hadn't just been thinking about telling just _anyone_ about her ideas or her theories.   
  
She'd been thinking about telling Stiles.  
  
And now that she was here, inches from his face as he stared in her eyes and glanced at her lips, she realized this was what Allison had been talking about. She loved him.  
But as the high came down, and she allowed practicality back into her mind, she realized she was being crazy. _You can't kiss a guy, one time, under duress and know you're in love with him, Lydia. You were in love with Jackson. And maybe you have feelings for Aiden now. Not... Stiles._  
  
So when he looked at her like that, and when he kept looking at her lips like he wanted her to do it again too, she knew she had to stop. She had to use her head. Stop following fleeting ideas of romance and-- that feeling Allison had told her about.  
  
No matter how real it might seem.  
  
"Thanks." He said, looking at her, so sweetly, so lovingly, so _longingly_ , "That was really smart."  
  
And she was melting, and she _wanted it_ so much. But she stopped herself because he was _Stiles_. He wasn't Jackson. He wasn't Aiden. He was _Stiles_. Big dork who'd had a crush on her since second grade _Stiles_.  
  
"I just..." she sat back, "I just read it somewhere."  
  
And he was nodding, because he knew the same as she did that _this_ , as much as either of them wanted it, wasn't going to happen.  
  
"And... if I was _really_ smart," she said, slipping behind that fun, snarky barrier she'd always had between Stiles, the closer they got, "I would tell you to go sign up for a couple sessions with the guidance counselor."  
  
It was true, she thought, he could definitely benefit from someone professional helping him through his anxiety she had previously only vaguely heard of, not firsthand seen.   
  
She had looked away from him, focusing on not focusing on him, when he said suddenly, with a clarity,  
  
"Morrell."  
  
She turned to him and saw him working something out again. Thank god, he was back.   
  
Before she knew it they were rushing to Morrell's office and Stiles was rambling about what she might know about this whole sacrifice situation. And Lydia was nodding and giving her input and they were working it out as a team and as she followed him down the hall and he kept that unconscious, protective hand on her back and as he listened to her ideas and acknowledged their value and built off of them-- she knew it now, even though she wouldn't admit it.  
  
She loved him.


End file.
